Loss

The juggling act has come to a crashing halt.  The clown has left the circus.  The glitter was not gold.  Every day is a constant struggle to not fold up the big top and leave town.  I haven't written in awhile.  I had nothing to share.  The past year has been one of keen loss.  Beloved Nikki left us for what I hope are greener dog parks.  And my Hubby and I separated.  For a lack of a better reason, he fell out of love.  The Us no longer sustained him.

I am reeling.  I flash through every phase of grief.  Today, it is acute sadness.  Sadness for the loss of my conception of family.  Sadness for loss of what was built over the last 12 years of my marriage.  So, today I sift through the rubble of my and his failures and hope that from this a lesson in love will have been learned.  I am learning to be whole again - open and honest.  I will be complementary not supplementary.  As He to me.  I have faith that my next post will be one of renewal.

Healing a Broken Heart

There are certain days when my job sucks. These are the days when I have to deal with sick ungrateful people. So pretty much every day, I get to hate my job. These are the days I wish "natural selection" would select more broadly.

And then, there are moments. Rare shining moments which restores my faith and purpose. Moments which remind me how priviledged I am to be a witness. Today was such a day. We transplanted a heart today.

The recipient was a man in his late twenties who suffered from congenital heart failure. His wish for his new heart was to father a child with his lovely wife. Poignantly, a broken-hearted thirty-five-year-old man on the other side of town made it possible by taking matters in his own hand, by his own hand...

In death a broken heart heals another so that love can bring life. Poetic.

Sex and Religion

Daddy dodged a bullet today.

"...so when Mom and Dad make love."

Huh? Priceless. Edouard's puzzled look matched Hubby's panicked look. Too much information - Edouard thinks baby grow inside a mommy's belly and pops out by the bellybutton in hospital. He's not sure how they get in there - perhaps also by the bellybutton he surmises. Presently, he thinks that girls are yucky. For him, kissing them is just so wrong. He can't imagine above (or below) and beyond.

To be continued...

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Edouard was invited to a Purim party at, his friend, Ella's synagogue. He hesistated until Ella's Mom assured him he wouldn't be converted.

Summer Camps

The snow has yet to melt and we have already started the mad dash for summer camps. Now begins the researching, jostling, advance registering and the queuing for soccer camp, day camp, circus camp, horse camp, rock band camp...

There seems to be, at first glance, alot of choice. However, as I am not the only parent seeking to park their child for the summer, puttering will only ensure a cruel summer at poetry camp.

My son regards all this ado with some bewilderment. Truth be told, his idea of a perfect summer vacation would be eating chips in front of the television.

Random Thoughts While In My Car

• Pick a lane!
• Adding a spoiler will not make your Focus go faster.
• I DO see you pick your nose.
• You can squeegee, beg for money or food; you can say "Welcome to McDonalds"
• No, Edouard. Holding a sign up that says "Kidnapped. Call police" is not funny.
• Don't puke, don't puke.
• Don't pee, don't pee.

Rant in A Minor

OK. It's about bloody time Hubby come home.

Two weeks in Val d'Or. Four days in Amsterdam, one more week in Val d'Or. Might as well be bum fuck Egypt. It's all the same - he isn't home. Being alone with and by myself has never been a problem. My Mom raised me to be a strong, independant, resourceful woman. The kids know who's the boss. So does the dog. I don't need a man to take care of me. But, his plane is late and I broke a nail opening a jar...

Edouard's Math Project

Edouard was assigned a math project. He had to collect 100 items and group them in 2's, 5's or 10's. The items then had to be mounted on a display.
Edouard chose coffee stir sticks which he grouped in 10's...cause " its less work". We glued, and we painted and we argued - Edouard didn't want to put a title on his display. I insisted. His father smartly stayed out of it. I won.

Edouard was one of four students singled out for his project in the school paper.