Hubby: No, we are not lost. The Mapquest directions are clear.
Me: The Mapquest directions are clear. We are nowhere close to the hotel. We've circled Porte Maillot five times now.
Hubby: I downloaded the directions myself. What do they say?
Me: Exactly what I've been telling you to do. Do you see our hotel?
Hubby: With these things you always need a bit of luck.
Me: Your luck keeps making you turn left. We are turning in circles. 6 times now. Stop the car and ask for directions.
Hubby: When I find the right person. You can't just ask ANYONE for directions.
Me: Stop the car. I'm checking into the Meridian over there.
Hubby: There is a policeman...
Me: ...who is busy giving some dude a ticket. Do you think he gives a f@# about your tourist-ass?
Hubby: What does the map say?
Me: That there's a Pizza Hut store. Does a delivery-guy-in-25-minutes-or-it's-free constitute the right person?
Me: Why then are directions for avenue Neuilly?
Hubby: 'Cause that's what Mapquest gave me when I asked for boulevard Neuilly.
Me: So, all of this time you've been giving me grief about my skills as shotgun when, in fact, your plan was wrong from the start.
Hubby: Boulevard. Avenue. Same difference.
Me: Artery. Vein. Same difference? If it were up to Mapquest your patient would be dead.
Hubby: You love me because I'm stupid.
Me: No, I love you AND you are stupid.